Paint By Numbers

This is an opinionated blog. ( no really? you are saying)....yeah. I am all opinion. Cut me open and you will find wine, chocolate, and opinion.
At a recent Tummy Tuesday I had this conversation with one of the dancers:

Her: " I really didn't prepare anything, I guess I will have to do improv". ( she said it in an apologetic tone).

Me: " No way! I love improv. You know what choreograpy is to me? Paint by numbers. It might make a pretty picture, but it will never be a Van Gogh".

Her: "I like paint by numbers."

In choreography's defense, I can understand why people do it. It does take away a lot of the nerves. Like going on a road trip that you have carefully mapped out. There are few to no surprises, and there is comfort in that. Recently I performed my second EVER choreographed solo. I was tired, worn out, recovering from sickness and had to come up with something at the last minute. So this drum solo came out of the back pocket,and even as I was performing it I was BORED. I looked at the pictures of myself performing it and I looked BORED. Afterwards I had a little "come to Jesus" with myself and basically said" If you are not going to dance then why do this? Why dress up, why hand the kids over to the hubby and watch them cry as I leave, why take 30 minutes just to put on makeup? If your heart isn't going to be in it then WHY DO IT?"

A + B = C. That is what choreography is to me. There is a move, there is a beat of the music that goes with it. Cut and paste. Glue. Paint by numbers. On the first beat I am doing a blah, followed by a blah. It engages your brain, it is something to REMEMBER.
Now I know that choreography works for some people. Even if their dance wasn't born in this moment, it was born in a moment, and that is how their brain works. Kewl. I am ( somewhat reluctanly) willing to admit that I don't know everything, everyone works differently. But other than group things, or choreo's for learning purposes, I will always hate it. The hard truth is, I would rather not dance, hang up the veil, than do something wrote.    
Don't think that I think it is easier to improvise. Do you have to learn how to improvise....HELLZ yeah! You can't just go out there willy-nilly....that is sloppy. People will know. My former/bestest teacher Donna puts very well. She says," I have a general idea of what I am going to do before I go out there". I would say that I take it a step further and say, "I have a general idea of what I am going to do but I am not so attached to that that if a better idea comes along in the moment that I can't change it". Which, since she is not as wordy as I am ( no one is ,really) that is what she probably meant. That is the whole idea of improvising...being prepared, but opening yourself up to possibility.
    Here is the thing. Every moment is different. Every day is different. Every time you dance a song, you are different. Subtle things, the weather, the emotions you may be carrying/feeling that day, what you ate, etc.all add up to the moment you perform. I like the surprise of seeing what comes out of me when I dance from my heart. Does it take an enormous amount of courage, yes. Does it take a certain healthy dose of " I don't give two shits about what people think",most definately. But on any given day at any given time, even at my worst leave -me- alone- with -the- Ben -and -Jerry's days I would rather open myself up to dance than feel like I am just trying to remember something I learned earlier and not screw it up in front of an audience.

     I'd rather try for a Van Gogh, any day.