The Dreaded Dance Circle

Dance Circles- an affliction commonly caused when the victim is unknowingly pressed upon to perform in a setting not unlike an interrogation room. Symptoms include full body sweats, sick stomach, extreme anger/and or meekness, dry mouth, and grasping for the keys. Two cures are known at this point, leave and never come back, or get through it.

  With funding from you the Dance Circle Research Fund is making great strides with a cure for this silent killer of dancers.

Ha ha. I amuse myself. Seriously, though, whether you have been dancing for a long time and you can't remember what it was like to be scared to be in a dance circle, or dance circles still make you break out in hives, they are there. They ain't goin' away.

Cluck. Cluck. You might start calling me the CHICKEN whisperer after I reveal all in this particular post, but I dodged the dreaded dance circle, or anything like it for soooooo long, it wasn't funny. It wasn't that I couldn't do it, it was that I don't like to be pushed into anything. Call me a control freak, call me what you will, say " girl, it is only dancing", and I say go eff yourself. I intensely dislike the feeling of being pushed, and even worse is when you say "no" once and then people keep pushing. I actually read that it has a name, it is called demand-resistance. ( I read a lot). Found that gem in a book about perfectionists. Basically you sort of create your own resistance, and when someone tells you what to do it makes you push back even harder. ( when it gets loopy is when you tell yourself what to do and you resist against yourself......don't think about it too much, it will give you a headache).
So class 1- back in 98'. Things were going peachy until about the fourth class, when they pulled the whole" do what you feel" ( which is covered in the wonderful book Snake Hips by Anne Thomas Soffee....she describes the exact class I took ). I suffered through it, intensely aware anytime a teacher looked at me doing snake hips over and over. This was my early twenties so after that class I am sure I got in the car, lit up a Marlboro menthol, hit the steering wheel, went home and got wasted. I didn't go back. Nope. That was the end of that beginner class for me.
   Three months later, and a fellow witch/friend of mine expressed an interest in going to bellydance with me. I figured, " hey this will be easier if I have someone with me to take the edge off". and it was. We went and when " do what you feel time" came up, we goofed off. Or copied each other. I went through intermediate and even performed a group number. Then, since I was new intermediate I started hearing the dreaded death march song to the tune of "when are you going to do a solo, when are you going to do a solo".
   I shimmied my ass outta that class just in time to find that I was pregnant and had a legit excuse not to go back. All those stress hormones not good for the baby, yeah, that was it.
     Flash forward to '04........I had a kid, a divorce, years of bellydance via VHS, experience talking to thousands of people ( radio host), and now a format change. Which meant that one morning we were told that we didn't need to come in to work until 9. Which meant that one morning I had a kick ass job, and the next I didn't. Not to mention a new house that I now couldn't pay for, a new divorce, and a three year old who we just found out after worrying about why she was barely speaking, was hearing impaired ( and later to be diagnosed autistic). It all came crashing down on me. I gained 35 pounds. I was severely depressed. Going to the grocery store was an effort and as soon as I would come home, I would lock the door and cry. So what did my dumb ass do? I signed up for another bellydance class. dumb dumb dumb.
    Oh all I could think was I need to get out of the house, I need to move again, I feel so so sad I am drowning, I have to do something, maybe this is it.
    Within two weeks I was asked to perform. I said no. I should have told her that just coming to class made me cry, that it was an effort to get out of bed. Instead I kept going, thinking that maybe my " no" would be sufficient. Instead she called me out at a halfa on the microphone and said "This is Tara, and she will be dancing next time". I felt like I got slapped in the face. I left and never went back. My attempt to heal only damaged me further and made me feel worse about myself.
     I was going to sell all my stuff. I decided that even though I loved bellydance with all my heart, I hated the pushiness of the teachers, the cattyness of the other students. I just wanted to dance, and go at my own pace and why was that so hard? This was supposed to be FUN. If it wasn't fun I didn't want to do it.
   Enter Donna. Sometime in '06 someone asked me if I wanted to take a bellydance class with them. I said sure that I'd give it one more shot. There was no meekness in me this time, no regret, I was sure that if it wasn't what I wanted that I would leave and never look back. As it were, Donna nurtured us, stretched us, but didn't push us, and when I was ready I danced. Just like that. I knew that I was ready, and I did it. Knocked out the first solo, and it was a breeze after that.
    She would say every once in a while " you guys are going to dance for me next week", and sure enough the next week would roll by and two of us would show up. seriously. There would be tumbleweeds rolling through the joint. We would anxiously watch the clock and the last five minutes of class she'd put on music and we'd dance. She was supportive, and would smile and nod at us. Yes, it was scary, but I always felt like it was my decision. She really cradled us and stretched us until it was time to let us fly on our own. She really was/is a damn great teacher. and she was smart too.

    UM.... people don't like to be pushed. Yes, you have to learn to overcome fear, yes, dance circle is a way to do that, but a flippant attitude towards new dancers is never good. Options are good. Giving people room to grow at their own pace is good. Remembering that just because you are not afraid of something doesn't mean that is doesn't terrify others is good. Being open, kind, supportive, stretching, but not pushing is good. Having faith in your students that when they are ready the natural progression is to get out there,and that they will eventually dance is good. Remembering that some people are exhibitionists, some people are scared to stand in line at the DMV but most people are somewhere in the middle is good.

    Dance circles, a necessary evil. Pushy teachers, just an evil.