Your Reaction

Bast

Our reaction to life is our reaction. From birth we are told what is acceptable, what to feel, what is appropriate is certain situations, what is the appropriate response in just about any situation. In relationships we are told what it is that we are supposed to feel, and if it doesn't go with the status quo,and make everyone happy then we are the "bad ones". In all circumstances there is what is acceptable behavior and and what are acceptable responses.
    The problem with this is that it dulls our intuition. It de-validates our responses. It says" what you feel is not acceptable". It dulls our own personal responses and like the knife that gets less and less sharp we forget what our own personal response is........... o.k, bear with me, this is not a sociology lesson, it has a point.
    The other day while dancing at home, I had the thought," this doesn't look good". Then I had a mini conversation with myself ( which I do frequently), and I answered myself. "It doesn't look good to who?". Who says it doesn't look good? It is YOUR reaction to the music, Naaga. This is your personal reaction."
Whoa. Chew on that. Dancing is our own personal reaction to the music.

I literally stopped what I was doing and said that aloud to myself several times. My reaction. MY reaction. Not anyone else's. Even the word Reaction has power. The idea of reacting is so personal, so soul connected. When you react you just DO. It comes from the most realized place inside of you, the place not connected with your brain, or your perceptions or what those around you want from you.  They say to always trust your first instinct, your first reaction. Before conditioning comes in and all the "supposed to's" that we are taught, before we question ourselves, before all of that happens the connection with who we really are is played out in our reactions. Trust them. Trust yourself.
       Dancing is one of the hardest things that I know of. I have gotten up in front of eight thousand people before.....I have spoken to celebrities. I have been so nervous that I thought I might die on the spot. Trust me, in any type of show business ( even bottom of the gutter show business that is radio), putting your self out there is for lack of a better word, terrifying. But I could choose who I wanted to display. I could hide behind the mike. I could become someone else for a moment that the on-air light was on. If someone rejected me and my reaction to life, it was easy to take because it wasn't entirely real. I was putting on a show.  


   But dancing is personal. Not only is it your body that you are putting on display, but you, your reaction to the music.Since music is a real time-in the second thing, you have that second to react, to respond. ( maybe this is why I have never liked choreography, I think it takes you away from the moment). 
While I was dancing unscripted, completely spontaneous-ly at a recent dance event, a new-to-bellydance girl asked me, "So you just dance?" Like she had cracked some elusive bellydance code. Like she was saying" Is it really that simple?"   I said  "Yes, well kinda. You learn the moves, you drill them, you immerse yourself in it till it just.....comes out. There is a point when you just let go and ...react". 
   Dancers/Humans feed off of others responses, which even though they might be entirely organic to the person judging, cannot be used as a reflection of who we are/our skills, or a plumb line for our own reactions. Like the color of our hair, your reaction is beyond judgement. It is sacred. It is.
   I often say that dancing is a metaphor for life, I really believe this. In dancing ,just as in life don't wait for someone to validate your feelings, your reactions. If your reaction is not acceptable to someone else, but you know it is coming from your sacred place, you MUST believe in yourself. You must trust yourself. If you never learn to do this, in dancing, or in life, you will be like a tiny boat tossed on whatever wave that might come along. Good placid weather will have you feeling great, but the second a storm comes along,you will break again.
   I believe reactions are a gift. They are the kindergarten for learning how to trust yourself ( which is a personal journey I have been on for a while). A good place to start with this, if you are new to this kind of journey, is just watch. Watch yourself, watch how you react,and how others react to your reactions, and how that causes you to change what you do.
You might just find that you have been living someone elses life.